So, it 2:54 am and I’m just getting home from the atelier. I’m one month in to my business and today is my first breakdown. I settled into my cold bed and as my head hit the pillows tears began to fall like a cascade. I am aware that no one told me it would be easy, in fact everyone told me to reconsider doing this business and how tough it would be especially in the beginning. It would cost me blood, sweat and tears they said. But how does one really prepare for this? I guess it’s just a part of the journey one must learn to embrace and overcome. At this point, I feel burdened, pressured and frustrated. Since before I even had my all my sewing machines, there was work waiting for me. It pushed me to actually get my factory going faster than expected. I came back from my short stay in NYC on August and in September the process began and by October I had my first order. Don’t get me wrong this was a huge blessing and confirmation from God to start my business.

My whole frustration comes from being a start-up company with not enough capital to hire personnel. It was my set back in the very beginning but thankfully my dear friend that I went to school with decided to help me in my first project. Little did I know just how much work this job really required. The set backs were countless such as, having problems setting the machines to the type of fabric we were using, mechanical and technical problems, shortage of threads, we even cut the fabric the wrong way in one occasion causing us to start over, not having the correct applications to do binding, not having knowledge of some of the techniques and well the list goes on. Here I am thinking this would be a piece of cake, boy, was I wrong. My sweet friend would stay with me sometimes up to 15 hours a day. I felt so bad especially since she is still in school and it was close to finals week.  It burdened me to know we needed help, but I was not even able to pay my own friend but a small portion, how was I suppose to even think of hiring more people. Still, I did try, I was turned away by many people, even after explaining my current situation and showing them that lot of work was coming and things would get better. So, I had no choice but to get in there, help my friend and hope for the best. To make a long story short my breakdown came from working long hours 7 days a week, not meeting our delivery date, not being able to better pay my friend or anyone in that matter, watching my poor dad and boyfriend do hard labor around the factory and not being able to reimburse them and not having internet. I have been trying to get a phone and Internet since October, tell me how no one provides service to my zone. Which has set me back from starting my website, networking and researching. And to top it all off I haven’t seen my mom or sister in over 3 weeks, no family time sucks.  In this time frame I’ve missed special dates and occasions because I’ve had to work, but I know its something that comes with this journey and its called sacrifice.

After much ventilation, and taking a moment to just stop, breath and recollect myself, I feel better. I know that there is a law of “sowing and reaping”, my friend is sowing her time, her service, and her friendship, but I know without a doubt she will reap much more than she can imagine. This is our business, not self-made but in a team! We may not be making much yet but we have really started from the bottom and you better believe we’re going to achieve our dreams and much more.  Something that really helps me is when I get Facebook and Instagram comments of people cheering me on, supporting and spreading the word. You have no idea the fuel and inspiration it gives me… its crazy a social media can at times help me when I’m feeling low. I’m grateful for the lows because I know the highs are close I can almost smell it!

Support your local artist and dreamer’s you never know who they will become! To all my friends, supporters, fans, and haters, Thank you because of you I am here today standing strong and giving my all! I love you!

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